The Chronicles of Quirkiness
A Kinda Sorta Hilarious Exploration of Writer’s Foibles
Writers — the very mystical realm we inhabit. We’re a peculiar breed covered with quirky habits, eccentricities, and a penchant for turning caffeine into literary magic. That or alcohol, which by the way is not on my list of recommendations.
Join me as we embark on a somewhat humorous journey through the many foibles of writers, where typos are sacred rites, procrastination is an art form, and the eternal struggle with the CAPS LOCK key is a tale as old as time (well in more modern times anyway).
First, we encounter the frustrating and epic battle with the CAPS LOCK Dragon.
Photo by Vlad Zaytsev on Unsplash
Every writer faces a formidable adversary in the CAPS LOCK dragon. Despite the gentle reminders from well-meaning keyboards with their tiny LED lights that warn where the letters are sure to follow, writers find themselves in a heated skirmish. Accidentally, they unleash the wrath of uppercase chaos upon unsuspecting sentences. That’s the CAPS LOCK dragon. Oh, it’s a skirmish all right. Why the F*#K is there no way to change an entire sentence or paragraph of unintended caps back to lowercase? Why, oh why do we have to retype it all? Or, as we do have to wonder, are our characters secretly shouting their dialogue, and we too dim to see it?
The Beast of Procrastination is next up, and it’s kind of like a cute puppy or some kind of wide-eyed mythical being. Writers, innocently intent on getting words to screen on any given day, encounter that beast known as Procrastination. With the cunning ability to shape-shift into social media, cat videos, and existential pondering, Procrastination lures writers away from their wordly quests. Despite the writer’s best intentions, hours are lost, deadlines loom ever nearer like dark clouds, and the Procrastination beast evades justice, leaving behind a trail of unfinished manuscripts, articles, poems, and desperation aimed at completing them.
Ah, next we have, the missed and lost typo… resulting in The Secret Society of Typo Worshipers
Ya know, no matter how often we edit, no matter how many eyes are laid on a manuscript or document, there’s always that typo escapee, the one (or somehow more) that somehow slips through and creates its own chaos. In response, over the years, writers have come to celebrate the divine art of typographical errors. We celebrate each misplaced letter or accidental screwed-up autocorrect and laughingly hail it as a sacred offering to the grammatical gods. Somehow it’s turned into a positive thing as Writers exchange tales of their most glorious uncorrected typos, from unintentional puns to sentences that took on a life of their own. For in the world of writers, a typo is not a mistake but a stroke of unintentional genius. Well, at least sometimes.
Empathize with the Synonym Seekers, writers who engage with a flair for the dramatic in the peculiar Dance of the Synonym Seekers. A weapon, a tool, the thesaurus offers a pathway for the perfect synonym. That tool in hand they gracefully glide from the more wimpy expression of “happy” to the more powerful “ecstatic” and from “sad” to “melancholic.” And on and on.
Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash
A large majority of writers enjoy The Great Coffee Conjuring Ritual with regular visits to the mystical realm of Caffeinatia, or something like that. Those writers partake in the Great Coffee Conjuring Ritual, the sacred ceremony that precedes every writing session. Armed with mugs, beans, and an unspoken understanding that the elixir of creativity resides within the almighty coffee pot, writers of this persuasion seek to summon the caffeinated spirits. For in Caffeinatia, the strength of the brew is directly proportional to the brilliance of the written prose. Or not…depends a whole lot on how you view coffee. I’m more of a tea drinker myself — the non-caffeinated variety.
Then there’s the plot twist. Humorous? Well, maybe, but then there’s this. In the ever-shifting landscape of an evolving plot, writers grapple with the Plot Twist Paradox. We desperately want plot twists, yet characters take on a life of their own. Writers find themselves caught in a whirlwind of unexpected developments. I didn’t plan on this, they cry! The hero becomes the villain, the sidekick unveils a hidden agenda, and the plot twists multiply like rabbits. The caffeinated writers, in a vain attempt to regain control, often wonder if he or she is the architect of the story or mere scribes transcribing the whims of fictional beings. It is a place I’ve found myself frequently. As a writer, what’s your take?
And here’s one to be feared, the action-freezing sock puppet monologue. You read that right. At least that’s what I call it when one of my characters gets carried away and, in total solitude, expounds at length on some subject, turning him or herself into a talking head. In essence little more than a sock puppet. The only cure for this is extensive rewrite. We laugh and then we cry.
And in the more recent era, there’s the scrolling. What you say, just scrolling. Well, not JUST. It’s almost symphonic, a mesmerizing dance of multiple browser tabs, open documents, and research rabbit holes. Yes, we’ve all been there. Working and researching, and opening old documents where bits and pieces have been stored while opening new tabs in a browser to keep researching, navigating a cacophony of information, and seamlessly switching between articles, forums, and YouTube videos. This whole thing reaches its crescendo when the writer forgets why they opened half of the tabs in the first place but continue scrolling and adding tabs nonetheless.
Conclusion:
Laughter at our own weird twists is about the only thing that keeps the writer sane. It’s kind of magic really. From battling CAPS LOCK dragons to succumbing to the allure of Procrastination Beasts, writers must remain afloat in the pool of their humor to navigate the wild and changing landscapes of creativity. So, embrace your quirks, revel in the absurdity of your personal creative process, and remember that in the realm of writing, laughter is the ultimate pick-me-up. May you navigate those rabbit holes with aplomb and your stories take on the ultimate shine as a result of it all.
*If you’d like to read a bit of my writing, my award-winning short story Skykicker is available on Medium - free to read.
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